Working Through Regrets

Shirley R Patterson, MA, LLPC, CHt

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future”  ~ Fulton Oursler

As more and more clients come to me seeking help on their journey through lifes ups and downs, regrets are often one element that tend to show up more often than not. The word regret originates from the Middle English word regreet, meaning “to lament” or “to feel sorry” which is from the Old English word graetan, meaning “to weep”.  We are always second guessing ourselves. However, when we second guess ourselves, “the event” has already taken place and we already know the outcome of our decision. We must remember that our decision was made based on the information we had at the time. By going over and over past decisions in our minds, we are able to add in any new information about the event, which then creates regrets which affect us in the here and now.

There is always some issue, event, decision we can look back on and wish it had a different outcome. “If only I had been home…”, “What if I would have made that move ….., “I should have had him sign that…”, “Why didn’t I ……”. Regrets are about perceived missed opportunities. Perceived meaning “to attain awareness or understanding of”. These missed opportunities were not in our awareness at the time of our decision making or action taking. Just because a missed opportunity comes into our awareness does not mean that opportunity would play out as we envisioned. We tend to get caught up in what our imaginations present to us and take those scenarios as fact.

Regret can describe not only the dislike for an action that has been committed, but also, importantly, regret of inaction. Many people find themselves wishing that they had done something in a past situation. Clients bring to the session family situations which have caused regret, mostly from lost family time, which can never be recovered.

There are many ways to cope with and overcome your regrets.

Recognize you are powerless over the past. Whatever “it” is can not be redone. You can not get back the past.

Recognize what you have learned or gained. When you find yourself thinking of the regret, turn your thoughts to the things you have learned and the opportunities that are now yours – even if they are not what you would have preferred. There is always a lesson even in pain and sadness. Look for the lesson and focus on it instead of what might have been.

Live in the moment. Focus on where you are now, in the present. Take action that will get you to where you want to be now.

Acknowledge your current circumstances. Be honest with yourself. Look at the situation by the facts. Remove emotions from the situation. This will allow you to have a better understanding of the circumstance.

Be willing to forgive. Not only others, but yourself as well. It is through forgiveness we find healing.

Release what you can not change. Let go of the negative energy, be it thoughts or feelings. Do not allow these to settle into you body.

“Regrets can fester inside of us, causing a lifetime of misunderstanding and judgement, and keeping us in a constant state of stress and grief”. (Van Praagh) States of stress and grief can take a toll on us, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sometimes it is hard for an individual to acknowledge the above tips on there own. If you or someone you know is having difficulties in resolving regrets issues, and are having difficulties implementing the above tips, please seek out a mental health professional who can assist you to sort through your feelings.

The Patterson Center for Counseling & Integrative Wellness is able to assist you with any mental health issues which you are currently experiencing. Contact us at 248-884-7288 or by email info@thepattersoncenter.com

Start living your life the way it was meant to be!

www.thepattersoncenter.com

 

IMDHA HYPNOSIS CONVENTION

Well it certainly was a great time attending the International Medical & Dental Hypnosis Association’s convention in sunny Daytona Beach! The lectures and workshops were packed with valuable information and techniques which will benefit my clients tremendously!

Some of the lectures I attended were: Why Weight?; Pain Relief thru CAS; One Session Allergy Elimination;Sports Hypnosis; Hypnosis with children. These and others kept me busy while in Daytona Beach.

Hypnosis as an adjunct therapy, provides clients with the relief they are looking for. All of the techniques learned during this convention can be implemented immediately to assist the client tackle their issue.

If you have any questions about the various lectures, just let me know!

www.thepattersoncenter.com

Women’s Mental Health: An Opportunity for Positive Change

The Patterson Center for Counseling & Integrative Wellness just hosted another fantastic seminar. The topic: Women’s Mental Health.  This encompasses any woman; self, wife, sister, mother, daughter, aunt, grandma, friend, neighbor, or even a stranger. Giving them a chance to express their thoughts and feelings to you is the first step. If they appear to be reluctant to share certain issues with you, please suggest they speak to a mental health professional. Offer to accompany them, it may help to have someone along for support.

We need to get past the sigma that is attached to seeking mental health assistance. The stigma is a large blockage point for many. This does not have to be. The earlier an issue is uncovered, the less chance it will not evolve into a mental illness. Having a mental health check-up is just as important as a physical check-up.

If you would like The Patterson Center for Counseling & Integrative Wellness to present this seminar at your place of business, church, or meeting, please call 248-884-7288 or email us at info@thepattersoncenter.com

How Long Will I Be Grieving? And Why Aren’t They Grieving Like Me?

Shirley R Patterson, M.A., LLPC, CHt

“How long will I be grieving?” asked the teary eyed widow. What is the correct answer? That is what many who are grieving first ask. It would be nice if I could hand out a book to each and every person in grief and say “Read this book and it will outline everything”. Unfortunately, that is not the case. There is no guidebook, no magic pill that will tell you “for sure”.  Each and every one of us is a unique, complex person, as was the person who died. For each person who has died, the experience will be different for each person their life has touched.

An adult child will come to the Grief Support Group and state, “My sister is not crying over the death of mom (or dad). What is wrong with her?” There are so many elements that can play a part in this, it is impossible to give an accurate answer. One scenario could be that this sister was taught not to cry, to be a big girl, big girls don’t cry. So when the time comes where they need to cry, the subconscious mind kicks in and says “I was taught no crying, so no crying it is”.  You can ask her, she may say, “I want to cry but for some reason I just cannot!” Another scenario may be that your sister was not as close to mom (or dad) as you were. The relationship they had was not as happy or good as yours was.  In one group, a member let us know a similar situation occurred in her family. She felt she was very close to her sister and knew everything about her. When their dad died, the sister not only did not cry, but stated she was glad that he was finally out of her life.  Yes he had been a drinker, but he was a happy drunk. The sister who came to group was appalled! How could you be glad that dad is dead? Well it turns out that as the oldest, dad turned his affections to her and had molested her for many years. She had learned to hide those dark moments and did not let the other siblings see her pain. It was only in his death that she was able to express herself. The sister who came to group was not only grieving for the dad she knew, but also now about the dad she didn’t know. So please remember, each of us has a unique relationship with those around us. We can generalize to a certain extent, but please honor the unique place you are in.

There are still some who follow the belief that mourning is a year long process and the wearing of black is to remind them of this mourning period. For some it may be outdated, however, for others it may be their belief or just a coping skill. Whichever it may be, allow that person to experience their grief, encourage them to express their grief in the manner they are comfortable with. Providing a safe and comfortable environment for them to grieve in is the most important thing you can do for them.

We have to remember the world out there is changing. Years ago we lived in like communities where everyone was of the same background or same religion. We knew what to expect and what to do. We now live in a multicultural environment where people from all walks of life are blended together. We may not be knowledgeable about their religion, customs, or world view.  So tread cautiously when assuming they are grieving or not grieving the way they are supposed to.

You will most likely grieve deeply for your dead loved one at first, and then it will evolve into a sadness that will most likely stay with you whenever you think of that person. As the years pass, the degree of sadness will change. If the year would have held a significant meaning, you may feel a higher degree of sadness. Grief indeed is like a rollercoaster. You will have your ups and downs. During the down times, seek out those who give you comfort. Time does heal. No one said there will not be a scar left behind, but the wound will heal.

www.thepattersoncenter.com   July 2010

Ankylosing Spondylitis and Hypnosis

Ankylosing Spondylitis is an auto-immune disease which affects 2.4 million people in the United States. According to the Mayo Clinic, “Ankylosing spondylitis is a chronic inflammatory disease that primarily causes pain and inflammation of the joints between the vertebrae of your spine and the joints between your spine and pelvis (sacroiliac joints). However, ankylosing spondylitis may also cause inflammation and pain in other parts of your body as well”. Iritis, a painful inflammation of the eye, is a symptom of ankylosing spondylitis.
The Spondylitis Association of America has designated April as Spondylitis Awareness Month. This disease is nearly unheard-of by most, even by doctors. The SAA states, “Spondylitis is difficult to diagnose, often taking up to 10 years from the time a patient first experiences symptoms to the time the patient receives proper diagnosis”.
As someone who has experienced Ankylosing Spondylitis and Iritis firsthand on a regular basis for over 25 years, I understand the struggle to receive a proper diagnosis. Laying in bed, unable to move, spine and ribcage stiff, having to have someone pull you up by your arms quickly to a sitting position, as you scream out in pain, yep, been there done that. It is at those times that family members remember you have ankylosing spondylitis. Another time is when the iritis flares up. The pain in the eye is excruciating. An immediate trip to the ophthalmologist is required. You learn real quick to have steroid eye drops on hand!
So what can be done to alleviate these painful symptoms? Medications such as NSAIDS (nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs), DMARDS (disease modifying anti-rheumatic drugs), and the biologics also called TNF Blockers, are prescribed to the patient. Exercise, physical therapy, good posture practices, and applying heat/cold to relax the muscles and reduce joint pain are also suggestions. But after years of accosting my body with all the various drugs, I felt there has to be something less toxic. I do visit my chiropractor on a regular basis, which I feel has helped me stay limber. I was still seeking something more.
As a Professional Counselor and Hypnotherapist, I have been assisting clients talk and visualize their way through many ailments. After a painful flair up it came to me, why am I not doing the same for myself? I then set out to create a hypnotic guided imagery c.d. in order to sooth my aching spine and ribcage. I wrote and recorded my first draft. After listening to the c.d. a few nights I added to it. I then had a “tester”, another person with ankylosing spondylitis, listen. He reported it helped him with his pain. BRAVO! I now have the c.d. out with more “testers” from all over the United States. “Soothing Ankylosing Spondylitis” is the end result.
“Hypnosis has undergone tremendous amounts of scientific testing in modern times. When used in an appropriate manner, hypnosis has proven itself to be an effective tool in the management of pain and pain perception. Hypnosis is an easy-to-administer procedure which has no deep or long-lasting side effects, yet most doctors ignore its effectiveness in lieu of more traditional methods” (Marc Marcuse, University of California).
Hypnosis is not a cure for ankylosing spondylitis, however it can be utilized to sooth the painful symptoms of this disease. By relaxing the muscles and focusing your awareness on where the imagery is leading you, the listener is able to experience less painful symptoms. NASA has proven that breaking subconscious patterns takes 30 to 60 days of brain training. As with most hypnotic guided imagery c.d.’s, the listener is encouraged to listen to the c.d. at least once a day for 30 days.
Once all the results from the testers are in, an analysis will be made, and a paper will be written in order to report the actual results. In the meantime, if you would like further information on the Soothing Ankylosing Spondylitis c.d., feel free to contact me at info@thepattersoncenter.com

Not Sure What to Expect in a Reiki Session?

A typical Reiki session is 60 minutes long. The practitioner will have the client come in and a short discussion will take place. The practitioner will ask if there is anything bothering the client or any specific area the client is interested in concentrating on.

The client then will be asked to remove their shoes (you remain fully clothed) and any large and or metal jewelry, and then lay down on a massage table. You can remain on your back the entire session or if you are comfortable, you may have half the session on your stomach. It depends on the comfort level of the client. Relaxing music will be playing softly in the background. The Reiki practitioner does not manipulate any bones or massage any muscles.

The client closes their eyes and relaxes throughout the session. Questions are saved for the end of the session, but if you do have one needing an answer, go ahead and ask. It is your session. The Reiki practitioner then places their hands above the client’s body and will do an initial scan of the body. The practitioner will then proceed to various points of the client’s body and along the chakras, giving/balancing the energy of the client. Through these points in the body, the Reiki practitioner can reduce energetic imbalances in the body, improving health and restoring the client’s energy levels. Some client’s report a feeling of warmth, coolness, tingling, or even a profound sense of relaxation during the session. Each client is different and the sensation is unique to each individual.  Some client’s have reported not feeling anything during the session, only to go home and feel a deep calmness.  Some client’s are so relaxed they indeed fall asleep during the session, and that is perfectly fine. You are still receiving the full benefit of Reiki.

The Reiki practitioner will give you a few moments at the end of the session to just lay there and enjoy the feeling of relaxation. When you are ready, you then sit up and any questions you may have had can then be addressed. You will want to drink plenty of water after your session to remove any toxins from your body.

Reiki supports any medical or supplemental healing a client may be currently using. You can schedue your Reiki session at The Patterson Center by calling 248-884-7288.

It’s September Already!

My the time has been flying by. I can’t believe it is already September. The last time I wrote, I was preparing for my FREE seminar. Well the seminar turned out very well. I’d like to thank all of you who were able to attend. Also would like to thank Toni and Jackie for all their help with the seminar.

I will be presenting this seminar for a corporate client on September 14th. So if you know any company who would like me to come speak to their employees, send an email to: shirley@thepattersoncenter.com

Also in September I will be attending a 2 day  hypnosis seminar in order to learn new, updated techniques to help my clients even more! I’ll be posting a new article soon.

FREE Seminar

Hi everyone! I have not had time to write up a new article yet. I am busy working on my Free Hypnosis seminar.  The presentation is entitled; Hypnosis: Not Just Fun and Games. The Therapeutic Benefits for Mind, Body, Spirit Wellness, scheduled for Tuesday August 18th.

The seminar will give me a chance to answer the many questions that have been asked of me in the past few months. Many people are not aware of the many beneficial ways hypnosis can assist them in their journey to wellness.

Check out my website for further information on this enlightening seminar! www.thepattersoncenter.com

The Messages of Cancer

I came across this excellant article which I knew I had to share with my readers. I have been given permission by the author to reprint it here.

MESSAGES OF CANCER by Dr. Joel E Brame

According to Marshall McLuhan, “the medium is the message.” If so,then what is cancer trying to say? One of the fundamental principles of natural health is that the body is never trying to harm or kill us, although we might interpret illness as such. Instead, it is just trying to send us messages in whatever ways will get our attention.

For example, lung cancer is the ultimate message for smokers. The message threatens, “Stop smoking or else.” Once smokers acknowledge the message and take effective action, their chances of long-term survival significantly improve. They feel better on all levels once the smoking stops, physically, psychologically, and spiritually. In these cases one hears the person exclaim, “Cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Holistic cancer specialists that reside in distant countries such as Switzerland, Canada, and China, with different educational backgrounds all seem to say the same thing: an individualized holistic support program for each person improves long-term cancer survival. From my perspective, supportive cancer programs must address the unique messages sent by cancer. Therefore, this article will discuss three common messages of cancer.

Before this discussion, one must trust in three underlying principles of health. a) the importance of seeking the cause of illness rather than just managing symptoms; b) emotions are at the core most chronic illnesses; c) cancer is a process. The last principle means that is the long-term underlying process (including DNA damage, hormone imbalances, and environmental carcinogen exposures) that culminates in the tumor agreement with these principles, you will find the following messages to be powerful guideposts indeed.

1.) The first message of cancer involves nutrition. A naturopath in China has seen that an improvement in nutrition habits is critical to cancer survivorship. These improvements include ramping up intake of nutritious whole foods and reducing intake of synthetic, processed foods. Regardless of the cancer treatment chosen (conventional or alternative), long-term nutritional changes are part of this message of cancer. In this case, the body screams, “I need real fuel and I need it it now, otherwise I can’t do my job of keeping you protected from renegade cancer cells anymore.”

A medical doctor in Mexico pointed out that good quality nutrition during and after treatment really makes a difference. People with cancer need to choose foods that are easy to absorb, alkalinizing, and energizing. Why? Forty percent of cancer-related deaths actually come from malnutrition (called “cachexia”). Cancer cells gobble up nutrients faster than body cells, especially sugar. By choosing foods that preferentially feed normal cells, one is heeding the nutritional message of cancer.

2.) The psychology. According to physicians and psychologists in Canada, Switzerland, and USA, cancer bears a message on the emotional and spiritual realm. To see cancer only on the physical realm is to miss a tremendous opportunity for growth and possibly survival. One physician in Vancouver, Canada has seen patients go into remission by “heeding the message” of love and forgiveness that cancer often presents.

 A Swiss medical doctor who sees hundreds of cancer patients each week at his clinic applies anthroposophical and Chinese medicine, along with his other conventional and natural approaches. Because he takes a holistic approach, he sees that cancer messages frequently involve a disturbance in the person’s core identity. The individual’s mission or purpose is taken away or disrupted, such as the young mother losing a child, or the woman sacrificing her own ambitions to serve her husband’s desires. Another common scenario is the senior executive who gets promoted to a permanent position he dislikes and is diagnosed with colon cancer one year later.

 Not every person who has an experience like this develops cancer, but most cancer patients have had a disruptive experience one or two years before the cancer diagnosis. The cancer emerges to encourage them to examine how they have dealt with this experience. Once they work through this process, and they “hear the message” of the cancer, the cancer is no longer “needed” – remission can occur more freely and permanently.

 3.) The third message warns the patient of underlying damaging processes that lead to cancer. Cancer thrives within a body that is oxygen- and nutrient-deprived, and full of sugar, inflammatory reactions, and altered immunity. In a recent Las Vegas conference, an American nutritionist lectured on his  experiences with cancer. He said that if he were to summarize all his knowledge and experience of cancer into one facet, it would be this: Cancer is an opportunistic illness that grows amidst a toxic body environment. In other words, cancer gives a message that the body is toxic and improperly regulated. It says, “For the last time, clean yourself up!”

 These three messages of cancer act as undeniable guides. One should take the time to discover them. How? Perhaps sit quietly and still, then ask the cancer what it may be saying. If the answer does not come easily, daily or weekly journaling can help—try writing using the non-dominant hand to move beyond the mind and into the heart. For those artistically-inclined, drawing the scenario on paper sometimes brings out additional insights. For faster results, work with a holistic practitioner who can help you uncover the hidden messages.

 

Dr. Joel E Brame is an expert in coaching and motivating others to achieve their health and energy goals. Trained as a physician, counselor, and life coach, Dr. Brame helps energy-seeking clients rediscover their passion and purpose, identify and overcome energy and weight loss obstacles, and create a stronger body with renewed confidence and power. He has personally experienced the radical transformations that come with an energized and healthy lifestyle, overcoming several chronic ailments through lifestyle changes alone.

 

Joel’s messages of creating positive energy and precise action extend through his seminars, books, articles, and personal weight loss coaching. He serves as a professor in biological sciences, psychology, and nutrition at local colleges. Joel has contributed articles to many local and online publications and has given award-winning radio interviews. He is also a sought-after speaker on holistic approaches to energy, weight loss, and cancer prevention. http://www.joelbrame.com

Hypnotherapy Semiar coming in August

Just letting you know I am going to be presenting a Free Hypnotherapy Seminar in August. Just putting the final details together and will annouce the date and further info shortly.

If you would like to be on my mailing list for information about The Patterson Center and my upcoming seminars and groups, send an email to: info@thepattersoncenter.com and in the subject line type Mailings. It’s that simple.

Look forward to seeing you at the seminar!

Shirley  www.thepattersoncenter.com